Sometimes you need to be reminded

I received the nicest PO box gift ever just over a week ago:

Now, I have gotten some class stuff in my PO box before and I’m not trying to shit on any of that – off the top of my head, I remember the class GoT colouring book, sweets from my twitter friend @haymidan (just in time for Lent – twice!) and much more.

But this particular gift was so timely, and so thoughtful (and too expensive – you really shouldn’t have!!!) and given with such an amazing message that I had to share it ‘specially. It was a canvas version of an Instagram photo I put up with a doggie called Rosie before she died.

I never really explained Rosie. She was just in my videos, then she wasn’t, then she was and then she died. I’ll explain here.

She was Alex’s family dog. I lived with Alex’s family for two years while we worked on getting our own place. She was in my videos for those two years and sometimes I casually called her ‘my dog’ or ‘our dog’ because she felt like she had been in my life forever. I loved her a lot. I used to snuggle with her in bed on the weekends or when I was off work during the week.

When Alex and I finally moved out of his family home to move in just the two of us, Rosie wasn’t in my videos as much anymore. She still stayed with us sometimes so she would pop in and out. I missed her a lot so we put into motion our own search for a dog, which went on for months because we needed to adopt a dog that Rosie would be OK with. She was the queen and we didn’t want to put her out at all.

She was 12 when she had to be put down, just over a month ago. She had an inoperable tumour growing really, really fast. She was finding it hard to breathe and nobody could stand to see all of our pet in that pain.

After she died, we adopted Millie. The process had begun long before Rosie got sick but it just fell into place less than two weeks after she died. We did not replace Rosie with Millie (I see how it could look that way) and Rosie will always be very special to Alex’s family and to me.

That’s why this gift was so lovely, and so thoughtful. Rick obviously saw my tweets and Instagram posts about the dog and did this lovely thing. I didn’t even mention it in my main channel video or anything. I never put together the vlog from Rosie’s last night, I think that might be a video I’ll make and give to Alex’s family. I was so surprised to open this, and the thought that went into it blew me away.

Quick side note: Rick didn’t spell Rosie’s name wrong. I spelled it ‘Rosy’ on my last post about her. Every member of the family spelled it differently, (and I was always adamant that it should be ‘ie’ not a ‘y’) but it said ‘Rosy’ on her collar so that’s what I put on my final picture of her.

Rosy. 🌹💔

A photo posted by Clisare/Clare Cullen YouTube (@clisare) on Mar 14, 2016 at 1:18am PDT


Late last week, then, I got a letter from a lady that used to be called Cathy Quinn, before she married an American with a Russian surname. The letter just told me about her and husband watching my videos and her feeling like my channel was a home from home for an Irish girl living in America.

For the last few weeks I’ve been feeling a bit down, a bit lost in regards to what I’m doing on YouTube and the content I’m making. I got sucked into the ‘YouTube Drama’ conversation and made three videos about it, all of which I deleted before they uploaded. I’m working so hard on this book that I was neglecting YouTube. I had left my main channel stagnant for three weeks because I couldn’t find the time or the idea, or even bring myself to make anything.  Nothing was good enough so I scrapped it all. I couldn’t figure out what I was adding to the platform and why I was still there. I considered quitting it, for good.

These two things arrived at the perfect time, and each helped me in totally different ways. Rick’s gift was as a “thank you”, for helping him smile during a tough time, he wrote. Cathy’s letter was more light-hearted, telling me her “Yank” husband now shouts “indicators” at other cars (instead of the normal American term ‘turn signals’).

I don’t set out to “help” people. That’s not what I want. I just want to laugh and for other people to laugh with me. But Rick’s letter blew my mind. It felt like a responsibility (in a good way), that if my stupid sketches could help someone through something like that then I shouldn’t give up on them. Cathy’s letter showed me the lighter side – that I’m succeeding in doing all I originally set out to do originally too, making people laugh. That people are having the craic based off what I’ve done so far.

TLDR: I got two messages in my PO box in the last two weeks that reminded me why I make videos, and re-inspired me at a time where I was badly struggling to find inspiration. I’m going to get back up on the horse because of you two. Thank you Rick and Cathy.





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